we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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