I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
