Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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