Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
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i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
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Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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