Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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