So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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