I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
