he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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