There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
