Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Randomize
