He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
