It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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