Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
