Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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