Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
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Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
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He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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