dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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