for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
