Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
