I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
