theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
