I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
