Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
