No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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