On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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