he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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