I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
