He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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