Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
