Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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