you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
