You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
