jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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