were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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