We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
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all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
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I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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