i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
