I showed him my bush... on skype.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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