Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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