Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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