he wants to bone in the snuggie
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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