I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
