around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
