I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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