Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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