You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
