i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
