Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
