you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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