allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
