The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
