Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
