I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
