I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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