So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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