nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
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She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
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Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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