my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
