I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
