Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
