I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
