Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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