You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
