I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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