She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The feeling are messing with the penis
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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