I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
