I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
