he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
