Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
