He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
