Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The best revenge is premature balding
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
