ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
