In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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