he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
