I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
