I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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