I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
